P80127Halston was quite the rage when I was a little tyke.

I did not know exactly what that meant.

I can remember elegant ladies wearing Halston pill box hats. From the back seat of the new 1967 Chevelle, I could admire my Mother’s, while my younger brother on the other side of the car got tangled in our flower child Aunt’s abundant and long hair blowing in the wind.

Although I had never seen a Halston before, I could determine from hats made from them that they were soft, fuzzy and cylindrical. I knew that apricots, walnuts and oranges grew on trees, so I would sometimes look into unfamiliar trees, including the silk oaks next door, to see if I could see Halstons ripening in them.

My older sister eventually explained that Halston was they guy who made the hats. He was very busy. His hats were very popular. Apparently, he made the hats from coats formerly worn by small rodents known as minks. The minks were not really plumply cylindrical. In fact, they were so small that the coats of several of them were sewn together to make each hat. The thought of so many small rodents scurrying about naked until they got new coats was quite disturbing. It made me ponder the origin of the cuddly stole that Redd Foxx gave to Aunt Mary.

I certainly did not believe everything that my sister told me. Heck, she once tried to tell me that the dead bugs in Aunt Mary’s amber jewelry were trapped in tree sap millions of years ago. I know cheap Lego plastic when I see it. However, I do believe that fur obtained from animals lost popularity through the 1970s. The minks must have protested or something. My sister got a stylish coat with a furry collar made of imitation fur. Splendid; so now little kids will be cuddling naked teddy bears!

I have a better idea.

The pelts of all those nasty gophers that ruin lawns and gardens could be recycled into pill box hats . . . or maybe something more appropriate to modern fashion. Perhaps they could be sewn into reusable grocery bags. What an exquisitely stylish expression of environmental awareness that would be! Because gophers get killed when trapped, they could not protest the use of their pelts later.

Using gopher pelts in this manner would:

Protect our lawns, gardens, landscapes and green spaces from environmental annihilation

Recycle by-products of environmental protection

Provide stylish accessories that express our concern for environmental stewardship

Promote the use of materials that are completely organic, natural, non-toxic, biodegradable, sustainable and very renewable

Help save the Planet!

We only need to learn to be more efficient with trapping. What is the point of setting traps if gophers are warned to ‘KEEP AWAY’?

23 thoughts on “CAUTION!”

    1. Oh my! Well, I do not remember them like that. I thought they looked rather sharp. I do remember that the leopard skin pattern had a rather ‘cheap’ connotation to it. Fortunately, I do not remember Mrs. Kennedy wearing leopard fur. although I do not have a problem with people wearing furs, I do rather dislike furs from animals that are not raised for fur production, or hunted animals that did not need to be killed for something else, like fox.

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  5. I would wear a mink hat! I had such trouble with minks killing my chickens a few year back that I swore I would wear that Bastard Mink as a hat if I ever caught him (or her). I have never seen a gopher – are they small too? Love the signs – bet the local gopher population got a kick out of them! c

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    1. Gophers are about the size of rats. I think they are shorter than minks, but I have never seen a live mink.
      When we were in school, one our professors who taught the ‘landscape maintenance’ class would give us extra credit for trapping gophers in the arboretum. Rather than bringing in dead carcasses, one of the students would tack the pelts to the professors bulletin board outside his office. Unfortunately, some people found it to be objectionable. I think I would have been more tactful.

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  6. Haha! There are definitely enough gophers in SoCal to make hats for all who want to wear them! And I understand that when the trap catches one, there’s likely to be another right behind it!

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    1. Well, I hope the ones behind are not friends of the deceased. That would be sad. If they live in the same home,, they bust be acquainted.
      There certainly are enough to go around. That is why the McAbee Gopher Traps were invented right here in Los Gatos!

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  7. Well, I’ve been educated yet again. First fainting goats, and now Halston, both of which I’d never heard of. I look forward to continuing my education……

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  8. Yes, I did. I had to Google Halston though, and gophers, though I’ve heard of them are a completely foreign animal to us down here in the Antipodes.

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