The softest and laciest of the asparagus is the asparagus fern, Asparagus setaceus. The extremely small ‘leaves’ (or ‘cladodes’) are less than a quarter of an inch long. The tiny and mostly unnoticed pale white flowers that bloom sporadically in warm weather make it obvious that asparagus fern is not really a fern. (Ferns do not bloom.) If any green berries develop, they are toxic.
The wiry perennial stems can climb like vines to almost reach upstairs eaves, although most get less than half as high. Individual plants produce only a few stems, rarely more than ten. Pruning out old deteriorating stems stimulates new growth. Potted asparagus fern eventually gets crowded with swollen roots, so needs to graduate to larger pots. As a houseplant, it needs regular watering.
It is hard to believe that such a delightfully robust and luxuriant tree like the Indian laurel, 
Staghorn ferns are epiphytes. They cling to tree trunks, rocks or whatever they happen to grab onto. They can root into decayed wood if it is porous enough, but they are satisfied to just cling to the exterior. They do not need soil. They sort of make their own soil by collecting debris that falls from the canopies of trees above. In the jungles where they live, they get all the water they need from rain. They often live in the crotches of branches because that is where they happen to land. (The epiphyte I wrote about earlier was just a palm that landed in the wrong place, but is not really an epiphyte. 
They were not always houseplants. They came from somewhere else. Most came from shady tropical forests, which is why they have such big dark green leaves, and are so tolerant of shady home interiors. They are pretty good sports about tolerating the domestic lifestyles that we subject them to, but they would really prefer to be thousands of miles away, growing wild back home.
So the spelling is a bit . . . off. Ignore the ‘E’ before ‘If’ and the ‘n’ after ‘grow’. They are crossed out . . . sort of. ‘wont’ means ‘want’. ‘haf’ means ‘have’, as in ‘have to’ or ‘need to’. It made sense at the time, more than four decades ago. Perhaps I should rephrase it.
After all the Christmas decorations get put away for next year, and the Christmas tree eventually gets undressed from all its ornaments, and retired to the compost pile or greenwaste, all the pretty seasonal potted plants remain. Some will bloom, or at least maintain their current bloom, for months. Some might eventually get planted out in the garden. Others might stay potted in the home.
The Latin name is easy to confuse with the sacred flowers of an aquatic perennial from tropical regions of Asia, or a funny looking British sport coupe. Lotus berthelotii is a diminutive terrestrial perennial known as parrot’s beak. It gets only about a foot high, and spreads to only two or three feet wide. It cascades nicely from hanging pots, and is actually rarely planted out in the garden.
What an unflattering name for such striking tropical foliage! The pointed and strap-shaped evergreen leaves of mother-in-law’s tongue, Sansevieria trifasciata, stand vertically, about two or three feet tall. They are rather rigid, and seem to be plastic with a glossy finish. Almost all modern varieties are variegated with silvery gray, white, cream or yellow stripes or banding. Dwarf varieties stay shorter, with flared foliage.
Everyone is from somewhere. Not everyone is fortunate enough to be from California. Most of the various plants in our gardens, even if grown locally, are descendants of plants that were collected from all over the world. Most houseplants are from tropical regions. They perform well as houseplants primarily because they tolerate the sort of partial shade that they would get as understory plants in dense tropical forests.
There are certain things that we expect to find in a coffee shoppe. Mainly, we expect to find . . . coffee. Yes, coffee, . . . duh. We can get all sorts of coffee beverages; hot, chilled, steamed, infused with things that have no business going into coffee. They have all sorts of cool sounding but strangely irrelevant Italian names that white people enjoy telling people of Italian descent how to pronounce. Yes, my name is Tony Tomeo; and I don’t want twenty cups of coffee with bread. Well, besides the coffee beverages, there are plenty of coffee beans; all sorts of roasts. I do not know of any coffee shoppe that grows any of the beans that it sells, but there is nice coffee shoppe in Felton, The Mountain Roasting Company, that grows coffee trees.
Tony Tomeo 